Wayward Women: Question
I am a widowed woman of almost 4 years. My husband died in 2012. I met a married man back in 2008, and to this day we have a relationship that is more than just sexual......we are deeply in love with each other. Our plan is to one day get married. In the past 7 years that I have known this man, he broke up with me twice (1st time because he wasn't sure of this relationship, the 2nd time out of spiritual fear of condemnation by God). I persisted both times and "won" him back to me. He is a member of a Missionary Baptist church, and I am Catholic.
My question is: Are we both committing adultery? Just him? Just me? Also, if he divorces his wife because of sexual infidelity to her, and marries me - is that still adultery for him and/or for me? Thank you for your help
The Priest Reply
The simple answer to your question is yes, you would both be in an adulterous relationship and if the man leaves his wife to wed you he will still be in an adulterous relationship because of his bond to his wife (unless it could be proven that the marriage was invalid or the bond is dissolved by death).
The bigger question is why would you want to be the source of pain for another woman. And why would you trust him to be faithful to you since he has already demonstrated a willingness to be unfaithful? Why do you suppose his love for you is any different than that for his wife?
Jesus warned us not to build our house on sand which is exactly what this relationship appears to have as its foundation. Real authentic love is willing to deny self the satisfactions it seeks when those will harm another, lack integrity or be less than honest.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”